I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
