sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
