Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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