i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
