i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Randomize
