laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
All the doctor said was why
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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