Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
why is half of my head shaved?
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