she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
