I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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