Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
do herpes really smell.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
How naked do you want me to be?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
