Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
