You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
