DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
