I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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