Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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