I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
