She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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