I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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