I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
