If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
So vagazzling was a success
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
