but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
