i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
