She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
