Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Pants are for mortals
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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