can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
