I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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