Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
did you just send me my own nude
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
