I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
