I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
