I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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