Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
