bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
