Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize