i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
