I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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