Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
