My friends, they love my intelligence
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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