i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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