Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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