I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I have already put on my inside pants.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
