trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
MIDGETS
????
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
