Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
