You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
