I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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