I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
