Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
