HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
