Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
