ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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