I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
