I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
