Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize