He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
