Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
