And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize