yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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