The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
i need some magic done to my vagina
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
