Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
