My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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