What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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