They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We left the knife in your bed.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
