Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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