what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
