I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
