just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
