my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
