your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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