no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize