I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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