We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
