I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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